RV LIFE Podcast
The RV LIFE Podcast, created by one of the premier companies in the RV industry, is for the RV Community with a mission to Educate, Entertain and Explore the RV Lifestyle. The Podcast will explore all things RV Life: living, working, exploring, learning. With host Patti Hunt, full time RVers, content creators, educators and explorers.
RV LIFE Podcast
How Couples Survive RV Life: Kids, Intimacy, and Staying Sane in Small Spaces
Can your relationship survive life in 300 square feet? In this episode I (Patti Hunt) welcomes full-time RVers James & Kelly Raber, of the RoadRabers, we have a candid talk about the emotional, logistical, and marital challenges of full-time RV living with three kids. From communication breakdowns and moving every four days to embracing intimacy and humor in tight quarters, the RoadRabers share actionable insights from five years on the road. You'll hear how they navigate burnout, back-in battles, parenting, and prioritizing each other, all while keeping the wheels turning. If you're a traveling couple or RV-curious family, this episode is your survival guide.
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Can a marriage survive the RV life? I'm Patti Hunt. You're listening to the RV Life Podcast. James, what is the biggest relationship challenge you have had while living the RV life?
Speaker 2:Living in very small quarters and not being able to communicate well, that you need to move good and we're going to talk about that.
Speaker 1:I know my rv friends out there have some of the same issues. We are going to dive into all of that. I also lived with my husband for over three years in an RV very small space we lived in a Class A 40 foot, but still small for two people and I know there were difficulties for us and we were learning as we went along. And as some of my listeners know our story, some don't. So let me just give you a quick story. We went full-time RVing four years ago. We were on the road for a little over three years and then a year ago we got off the road because my husband became ill and could no longer travel. You know, with you guys I'm going to share some stories because today we are talking about how to survive the RV life when you're a couple, when you're a couple with three kids in your case, some of the tips and tricks you guys have learned along the way, all of that in today's episode. I'm super excited. I know a lot of people can use the advice they're going to get today For those people traveling and looking for some great RV parks.
Speaker 1:Open Road Resorts has six incredible parks One in Idaho, one in Nebraska, one in New Mexico, two in Texas and their newest park, ab Gaming Camping and RV Park in Cheyenne, wyoming. It currently it just opened and they are doing upgrades and they have plans for expansion. All six of these parks are highly favored parks by you, the RVers, and that is on RV Life Campground Reviews. Every review on there is by an RVer for an RVer, and all of these parks are highly favored by you guys. So check out all of what the RVers have to say about these parks by going to campgroundsrvlifecom, and you could also go to openroadresortscom and book your stays at these campgrounds.
Speaker 1:Today's guests, james and Kelly Raber, our full-time RVing couple behind Road Rabers, a family of five who hit the road in 2020 with one big goal to live their dream their way. Since then, they've been traveling the country in their fifth wheel, raising and road schooling their kids, while sharing the real, raw and often hilarious side of RV life. Hilarious, they are From mechanical DIYs and destination deep dives to honest conversations about marriage, health and homeschooling. Their content is all about helping others embrace freedom, adventure and international living, whether they're fixing their truck, exploring tide pools or changing sunsets across the Keys, james and Kelly believe life is better when you're doing it on your own terms. I want to welcome James and Kelly Raber of Road Rabers to the RV Life podcast.
Speaker 2:Thank you.
Speaker 1:You are welcome. Okay, so we are going to go in the time machine and go back to we're going to make it kind of short because it is a huge story because your relationship started literally when you were little kids. So you were little kids, you had a mutual friend. Let's tell people a quick piece of that story.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, that goes way back. So in elementary school we, at six and seven years old, our families were unfortunately splitting up and and there was a support group in our, our school and we we both attended that. And then we had a mutual friend and and we spent a lot of years hanging out with each other not necessarily, not necessarily by choice, no, it was it was our mutual friend that we liked more, but I mean they were bad and Explorated each other.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we even had a. We'd hang out in the backyard after school.
Speaker 3:In the bug club.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we made a little bug club. We found it, we found the evidence of that when they dug up for their pool. Um, we, we made a little habitat for, uh, for the bugs to live in, and and buried it, and and they found that when they dug for the pool.
Speaker 3:So uh, and then you know, life happened. He moved out of state and we both grew up. Well, at the time we were both in Arizona. He moved out of state to Montana, ended up moving back, but it wasn't like it is now, no Facebook and all that stuff, so didn't really catch back up. He joined the military, had come home for hometown recruiting, which is after AIT, so they go to basic training and then they go to like their special school, and so after that, before they joined their permanent party, they come home to help the local recruiters recruit other military members. And happened to drive by our my house. My mom still lives in that house and kind of caught up with her and she's like oh, you should call Kelly, gave him my number and he ended up calling. We met for coffee and that was kind of like the beginning of what we became. So that was in December of 2007. Fast forward. We ended up getting married in March of 2008. And here we are.
Speaker 1:And now have three kids, right, okay, and you were living in a six and bricks at this time, so let's fast forward. I want to hear about the conversation. Who was it that brought up the idea of RV living, and had you ever done it before? It was she's pointing to James, it was all.
Speaker 3:James.
Speaker 1:I could have imagined that was the case. So how'd that conversation start that you guys not only decided to go RVing, but full-time?
Speaker 2:So the original idea was to look at well, so it wasn't to do full-time. The original idea was to get something we could pull behind our van or maybe upgrade our van so we could get something a little bit bigger. Nothing too crazy. We were looking in the 6,000-pound towable area.
Speaker 3:Much smaller than that, yeah.
Speaker 2:So I have some injuries from the military that are I like to sleep in my bed with my pillow. It makes things better for the next following days. I was like, well, not, why not bring the bed and the pillow with me? And then it was like, well, do you wear how far do you want to go by me? Because if we want to go to Maine from Arizona, like do you want to like a little 6,000 pound trailer that we can only take a little bit of stuff in?
Speaker 3:And I was like well, I'm not getting a big truck unless we sell the house. And then I think the conversation kind of like fell off. You know, life happened, um, and we didn't really. We did go to look at a pop-up trailer, um, and the salesman there was extremely rude and nasty, and so we kind of like pushed that to the side.
Speaker 2:And then one day, our house we got a notification we like subscribed to, like Zillow, and we got a notification that our house was we made a deal that if our house ever got back to the original value of when the, when it ballooned before the housing market took a, and so it got up to that $250,000 range again and we're like sold. We called our friend up to, we bought the house with which was a good friend of ours, and we're like hey, list it.
Speaker 3:And then I was like, well, if we're going to sell it. So in one of my things when we first bought our house was I did not want to move, like I loathe moving which now we also joke about, because we do it every like two weeks and I loathe moving. It was miserable. I also happened to be pregnant at the time, so it was extra, extra emotional and uncomfortable. And um, so I told him I said, if we move again, like that's the last time. So I'm like I don't want to. I fell in love with a house in Texas, um, but I didn't know if I really wanted to live there. I'm like, well, I love the house, but what if I don't love the area or the homeschooling there, or the weather or whatever it may be? I don't want to move there and then live there for six months and go. I hate it here. Let's move again, cause I don't want to move again. So he, well, what about that RV thing? Why don't we travel for, like I don't know three years?
Speaker 2:and see where we want to live see where we want to live.
Speaker 3:So we had a plan we were going to do the West coast for a year and the East coast for a year, and then we were going to fill in the blanks in the middle and do Alaska one year, and then we were going to buy a house and settle down.
Speaker 1:Now you're three kids in. You're over five years probably closer to six years of living in the RV and in a fifth wheel. You live in a very large fifth wheel and you move about every two weeks, so all of this leads to being able to communicate. Your marriage obviously survived all of this because being pregnant and selling a house and all the things you did. So I want to jump in. Let's jump in. You're now living in a fifth wheel. I'm going to say less than 400 square feet of space. Do you actually know what this space is?
Speaker 2:I think we're well. Yeah, we're just over 300, like this far.
Speaker 1:Okay, so not that we're needing to get so specific, but for people listening, it is a small space. It's a bedroom, Right right, it's a bedroom with three kids. So let's talk about it. How was it in the beginning? You move into this RV with three young kids. What's it like in the beginning? So, as we go through this, I want to talk to my listeners about the challenges, the ugliness, the problems and what you learned and how you survived and what you continue to do and there's so much reason I asked you guys to be on. I've known you for a couple of years now. Your channel so Instagram, Facebook, you have a YouTube channel of seeing the things that you guys do to make sure that nobody can make sure there's not going to be challenges or arguments or anger, or you know he made you mad, she made you mad, but how you deal with it and how you prevent it. So that's what we're going to help my listeners with today.
Speaker 3:I will say that we worked on our marriage very hard for years before we moved into the RV and I think I think that that helped.
Speaker 2:I think if we had started RVing five years earlier, it would have been a little bit of a different story, but at the I mean at the end, I mean you both have to be stubborn in in kind of in a good way, I mean you can't give up, um, but I am, you can't, I'm going to, I'm going to.
Speaker 1:just, you can't give up on the marriage, you can't give up on trying.
Speaker 2:Um, yeah, it, because it's. It's something that's continual, it's it's just like any other goal in life. It's the. The finish line is really not obtainable. Um, and the goal is is to make her life as easy as I can today, so she can make my life as easy as I can today and then, hopefully, we have as easy a life as we can that day. That's not how it works out every day, but that's okay. Like when we started, I was rough and I mean I've been rough for a long time.
Speaker 3:And and the kids were young. Our youngest was two. He was still in diapers when we started.
Speaker 2:That's a hard season.
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 2:And that's very hard season.
Speaker 3:Um, we did have a bigger rig at the time. We had a 42 footer instead of a 35 footer.
Speaker 3:The kids had a much larger bunk room so they could have their own space and I think that that in the beginning helped you. I think being in the rig that we're in now would not have worked in the beginning, and there was when we first started one. We had no idea what we were doing. First started we had one, we had no idea what we were doing. The first day that we stepped into an RV was the day we bought our rig, which we drove from Phoenix to Dallas to purchase. There was all kinds of hurdles. There was the hurdles of learning how to RV, learning how to travel and and plan and I will say this was prior to covid, so I feel like arty parks and and how you travel and stuff. It felt different than it does now.
Speaker 3:Um, but we also thought in the beginning that like we were going to move every four days and we did, we moved every four days we would move every four days for like three and a half four weeks and then we would stay somewhere for a week and we do like all the laundry and all the grocery shopping it was but.
Speaker 3:And now it was gonna happen fast yes, that was not sustainable, not with four or three kids um, young kids trying to educate, trying to still have a relationship. And I think in the beginning it was rough. It was, it was very rough.
Speaker 2:There was Well, covid didn't help. Then you got stuck in that 42 foot trailer with there was no escape. Everything was closed and we were in SoCal.
Speaker 3:So but I think at the same point that was kind of the turning point of our RV life, and that's kind of when we figured out how to change our marriage. In the RV too, though it was, we figured out how to communicate better during that time.
Speaker 1:So really adjusting to the situation and and you know I might be stating a lot of the obvious when I had my first baby, I was 23. And there's so many things you don't know that you don't know, so that could be a struggle on a relationship. Right from the beginning I had a child that didn't sleep through the night. I don't think he does even today. Let's just be real. He's in his 30s. I don't think he still sleeps through the night. But that becomes challenging in a relationship and it takes work. You're getting into an RV now and you're in a 42 foot fifth wheel. We all have heard the stories about the backing in situation. Did you have those like, like backing?
Speaker 3:you did, we did a little bit.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, I was like her when we pulled into Palm Springs.
Speaker 3:I almost passed out.
Speaker 2:Like she struggled. I backed up a missile launcher in the military honestly and I always had Army guys helping me, so she's smarter than army guys wow, that's big that.
Speaker 1:That right there is what makes a marriage work. That right there, that helps. Yeah, that helps because so? So I just want to go back a little bit.
Speaker 1:Dan has driven huge rvs. He had driven, you know, a 45 foot. We were in a 40 foot. He had lots of experience, he's the driver, he was a stunt man. So in the movies for the movies he was a stunt man, so he knew how to crash, he knew how to avoid crashes, you know whatever.
Speaker 1:And so the problem there was because he felt like he knew it all. Me trying to help him back up was not in his thinking process. And so for us, we were at Lake Mead when we first moved, when we first got into the RV, and we stayed there for a month, and because the tanks had been filled, the freshwater tank had been filled with the antifreeze, which it shouldn't have, and it smelled, and so we were in Lake Mead. There wasn't a dump, so we had to pack everything up, take it up to the dump and then back in. Well, it taught us about backing in, because there was a guy that we got friendly with and he saw us backing in and the frustration for anybody who's not seen it on Facebook or has had that experience.
Speaker 1:Backing in could be one of your most difficult marriage ending challenges, absolutely yes, yes. So he came to us and he said do you mind if I give you advice? I'm like, yes, sure, anything we're willing to learn. And he said to Dan like, yes, sure, anything we're willing to learn. And he said to Dan when you're inside and she's outside, she's in charge. And it took Dan a little bit to get used to that idea that I can see what's back there. We didn't have big old backup cameras like they do today in our old RV, and so there would be times frustration would set in and I would take a breath and say, okay, timeout, just stop where you are, I don't care if we're blocking the road.
Speaker 3:And I think that was one of the things and if they don't, I don't care.
Speaker 1:Nope, I think that was one of the things that helped. So the fact that he trusted you being the one back there was big. What did did?
Speaker 3:In the beginning we didn't. I had no idea. I mean, I backed up trailers and I've towed and stuff like that. But an RV is a little bit different than what I was used to and he's done all kinds of things being in the military and that was his job was being a driver. So I mean, I think it took us a few months but finally we, like, figured out.
Speaker 3:You have to figure out your own communication style and you can search on Instagram and YouTube and all that stuff. Everybody has their own way of doing it. You have to figure out what makes sense to you For us. I have to tell him what direction the back of the trailer needs to go. If I need the back of the trailer to go left or right, that's up to him to know what direction to turn the wheel. For some people they know what direction the wheel needs to go to make it do whatever and they'll they'll tell their spouse or whoever's driving um what to do.
Speaker 3:That's our method, um, and also something else that we do, and especially if the backing up process is frustrating, because some sites it's really easy to whip it in, some sites it's not.
Speaker 3:Some sites it shouldn't be easy, but it is, and there's other sites where it's a wide open field and you still can't get it right.
Speaker 3:There is no rhyme or reason to it. But something that we do is, if it's been a rough drive, if rough day our last move day was horrendous, just nothing could go right, and so in those days it's really important for us to connect. So we will stop all time out and we will hug, hold each other and just kind of take some deep breaths and recenter ourselves, and I think that that has made such a big difference. Even in those moments when we're frustrated and we've done it 30 times and we are still not where we need to be in the site, stopping, embracing, reset. He will pull all the way out of the site, even if he's only got to move this much. Pull all the way out of the site, even if he's only got to move this much. Pull all the way out of the site, start over and then back it up, and but it's really that moment of reconnecting that I think it like reset their brain.
Speaker 2:I think what it comes down to is that we've trained ourselves that, that we're our each other's safe space. Even we can be angry, we can be whatever, but we're we're each other's safe space.
Speaker 3:We try to do that for the kids too so you take a moment and say I need you to hold me.
Speaker 1:Yes, I don't know what's going on, and so this if, if I'm going to say, if people get nothing else out of this conversation, this is so huge right there, what you said. When we get angry and we're yelling at our spouse, it's usually not at the spouse, so the closest person. These are things that I've learned in relationships and how to make them better over the years Seems simple, but it happens all the time. So that's stopping and recentering the one thing I've learned, especially of this last year. It's been a really stressful year for me. People have listened to the podcast. They know what's happened with Dan.
Speaker 1:My whole life has changed and some of the things that I've been looking at is, you know, stress hormones. I've been under a lot of stress. How do you deal with that? On the other side of that, oxytocin is called the love hormone. Other side of that, oxytocin is called the love hormone and it's produced when you kiss for six seconds or hug for 20 seconds. So it's actually producing that hormone.
Speaker 1:And so I have gotten to the point where I just feel this past year felt so out of control out of my body and a big, tight hug and it's actually producing that hormone. And that's not something you know. I'm independent. I'm strong. Yes, I'm having a meltdown, I'll be fine, I'll handle it. I'll cry. I never would have seen myself just allowing myself to just be in that space of just let's each other. That you know it's. It's something that I think it's a great idea. I think people should try it. Take a moment before you are backing up the RV. Take a moment to to hug to, to recalibrate whatever that looks like. So I think that right there is so very important and I've learned that big time this past year. So you said you had done things before you ever got in the RV to work on your relationship. What are some other tips? And I saw you did something on social media about that how you just recalibrate your hug and after you back in, you have a ritual as well.
Speaker 1:What does that look like?
Speaker 3:Well, before we leave we hug each other, but after After a lot of times that hug comes after we back in. If it's a stressful back in or if it's been an extra stressful drive, he usually will stop and like come and look at the site we like, analyze it together and before he goes back we'll hug too, especially if it's been a rough drive.
Speaker 1:Um, we yeah the last drive so that's connecting, making sure you're connected in the stressful situations. You're both stressed. I like that you said you know different things work for different people. So for Dan and I, the left and right didn't work. Dan always had a hard time connecting what's my right and what's my left side. So I would say passenger side and driver's side and a lot of people are like that really helped, but do what works for you. You're going to give a lot more great tips. People need to find what works for the two of them and some of these things don't feel and seem let's just use the word weird, odd, strange in the beginning. Right, you're standing out there backing in an RV and hugging. You guys have fun with it, you make fun of it. Is that part of you know what helps you get through these things?
Speaker 2:humor has to be um, yes, I don't know how to take life serious, I actually. So somebody um decided to go out playing in the mud, um, in low tide, and now I have stitches in the bottom of my foot, Um, but the nurse. I was talking to the nurse and she's like. She's like you're totally a Peter Pan kid, Right? And I was like, what do you mean? She's like. I was like, oh, I get it. I was like, yeah, I'm never growing up. So and that's exactly what it is is I'm going to look at every situation as lighthearted as I can, and when I can't do that, that's where she helps me Look at those situations lighthearted. I mean, it's usually. It's pretty rare that both of us are.
Speaker 3:Worked up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, both stuck in a bad situation.
Speaker 3:Well and and even then, like, yes, humor may work for us, but every single person in this world is different and every relationship is different because we're two different people. So it comes down to knowing your spouse through before we started traveling. Was um is really paying attention and honing into them, their emotions and their needs and serving? That was that was the sentence, or this is the sentence. That really changed how I viewed our marriage was that I needed to serve my spouse, needed to serve my spouse, and in turn, he also needs to serve me. And that doesn't mean that I'm his servant, but it means that I am there to help him and fill in the gaps when he needs me to be.
Speaker 3:There's times when we're all in our best and there's times when we're all at our worst. There's times when we're all in our best and there's times when we're all at our worst, and it's being able to put my needs aside. When he's in one of those low moments, those struggle moments. Put whatever my needs are aside so that I can help him come back up to a normal state, to feeling more like himself, because we all get into those like downward spirals where you know nothing about the day is going right and you've got anxiety or fear or all of these other emotions that are like taking over your body, and even though you know that what's coming out of your mouth or the way that you're acting might not be rational, you can't stop it. And so, recognizing those yes, recognizing that moment and knowing your spouse well enough to figure out how to pull them out of that moment so that you can be on that level state, but I'd like what you said.
Speaker 1:You serve him and I and I wanted to talk about that because I think people right now are going wait, whoa what? Because that's not often a word that is used, but it sounds like you guys have created is this look, any relationship is about, you know, certain compromises, certain agreements between two people. Call it a contract, call it agreement, call it, you know whatever that looks like. I'm living in a house now. I've been here over a year with a roommate.
Speaker 2:No different.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we've had to have certain agreements or things that you know work and don't work. There's communication, there's me learning how to load the dishwasher and sometimes somebody's got to let go. But within a relationship, it's about those communications and say, look, this is what I need when I'm in this situation. You know what his needs are and you serve him in those situations and he serves you, and I think it's all in my mind. It's like an agreement between two people. It's communication I'm using words that people might have an issue with and we are now going to invite people. If they're having issues right now with what we just said, their heads are exploding. They've got questions, put you know, put a comment out to you guys. You're on social media Road Drabbers, instagram, facebook, right? Tiktok, oh, tiktok too. Okay.
Speaker 3:Do a little bit of all of it.
Speaker 1:Yes, and people can reach out to me at RV Life Podcast on Instagram and Facebook. I don't do the TikTok. We're going to continue on this. I just want to share with people. If they are looking for their first RV or their next RV, blue Compass is the RV dealership that I highly recommend and whether you're looking for sales or service, new or used, they have over 100 locations from coast to coast with more than 15,000 new and used RVs, and they have over 1,000 service bays, and they're only good if you have the RV technician, and they have more RV technicians than any other dealership. So if you're looking to buy your next RV or your new RV, and whether that's a new or used RV, blue Compass RV is the place to go. You could visit one of their Blue Compass RV locations or you could go to bluecompassrvcom today.
Speaker 1:So let's talk more about that. Do you feel like that is something? I feel like that's something so important within a relationship to have those agreements like, for instance, you know, dan edited video. I wanted to know parts of it. I'm happy to take six loads of laundry and sit at the laundromat for three hours while he's editing video. It's, it's an agreement we had. I don't get mad because I'm doing laundry. This is what we kind of worked out and, like we've already said, different things for different people. Can you talk more about that?
Speaker 2:There's so many different things that work for different people. Um, I, I gosh, I know that you, I know that you, I yeah, um, for for me, I, I have to. Which I think the best thing for me is is I don't hold onto anything Like I do for maybe like 24 hours, but after that, like, process it, let it go, like it's okay that you were mad about it, but that's it. And there's, I don't fight. Well, like I don't bring up things from the past. I don't like no, you shouldn't. Like I don't.
Speaker 2:I don't think this is why I don't do good in politics. It's okay, Because I don't care what happened last month. I care about what's happening right now. So, are we making each other's life harder or easier right now? And and that's what it comes down to in every moment and, and I do that same thing with the kids, I do that with her, and I get all mad and I get all worked up and, um, I don't center myself. Well, um, but then I usually can walk away and I can come back and I can apologize and I can be like wow, I was really acting like a donkey.
Speaker 1:Thank you. Thank you, james, for that curse. You had one job. Thank you, right.
Speaker 2:It's an understanding that, in humbling yourself that, yeah, the way that I was acting was inappropriate, like it's, it's okay to accept that absolutely.
Speaker 1:And for me, I and again, I've learned, I've been married more than once we don't have to worry about the numbers. You, you learn as you go and I have done a lot of relationship type, counseling and reading. I think there's, like you guys started, there's always a way to make yourself better, to be better within that relationship and then work together in a relationship. I think conversations and communication and what you just talked about. Well, I don't want to bring up the past.
Speaker 1:There are sometimes conversations that happen that are deep conversations or conversations about our being or conversations about the kids, and for me, one of the things I like to do is say, ok, we had this conversation. I know for me, I'm going to go away and think about it and think about it and think about it and reflect on that conversation, and then I like to come back and say, okay, this is what I heard, this is what I processed, because what you hear is your reality. It doesn't mean either the person meant it that way or that's what they said. So I do and I again, I think that's a tip that helps when you're, when you're RVing, you're backing up, you have this big blow up, you have a conversation about it. This is what we could do next time, and then, days later, hey, was there anything else that we need to talk about? You know, say, after that happened, especially when it's something a little more difficult conversation.
Speaker 3:You definitely need to be able to sit down and have a conversation and you need to recognize or be able either recognize as the person listening or as this person speaking say, I need to say these things to get them off my chest. I don't mean them in any harmful or negative way or anything like that, but this is my emotion and what I'm feeling right now. Not that it's right and not that I understood what I'm responding to correctly, but I need to be able to let it out.
Speaker 3:And as the listener. You need to be able to say, OK, this is free game, Say what you want. And you need to be able to not take those things and those moments to heart. You need to be able to kind of wade through the words to figure out what the root of that problem is and figure out how you guys can move past that and address it so hopefully it isn't an issue in the future. But if you're just listening to the words themselves, you're not going to be able to do that. They can be hurtful and but you need to understand that your spouse is not trying to hurt you, but we all have those, and I feel like in most relationships there's one person who's not as good at filtering their words and there's one person who's very good at filtering their words and the person that is better at filtering their words is the one that's usually a little more emotional and gets hurt by words better, and that's why they filter them and so recognizing that that's an understanding that's not his strong suit.
Speaker 2:Words hurt people.
Speaker 3:That's not his strong suit, okay, but he doesn't always mean the words that are coming out of his mouth, the way that they are. He's saying them in a place of his own hurt and that he doesn't have. You're in this cognitive state where you can't filter those things and say them in a way that you should be, because you're worked up, because you're upset, because you're frustrated. And so me, recognizing that and he does, that I do have my moments and I will say things, and he recognizes in those moments that I'm not being myself right now, that I something is wrong, and so his first instinct is to bring me down, and that's my first instinct with him is to let him, let it out. And then what is the next step to?
Speaker 2:what's the real problem?
Speaker 3:Yeah, what is the real problem and how can we get past this over heightened emotional state so that we can talk about it?
Speaker 2:The real problem isn't that I left the toilet paper roll sitting on the cabinet. No, no, no no, oh, that's, that's what I say. Put it on that.
Speaker 1:That is no, nope, it goes on one way, not here and what I'm hearing, what I've come to realize in relationships is being able to express that with the person you're with and and sometimes that's your kids as well Like with the kids to say you know what? I lost it, I had a bad day, I'm sorry, but I think, within a relationship, to explain this is what I need. Like I'm falling apart right now. I just need you to listen. Yes, you may be the person I'm saying it to or the person I'm sort of blaming. The person I'm saying it to or the person I'm sort of blaming, here's what I need. And for that person to say okay, this isn't about me to have such a strong relationship that you're like this isn't about me right now. This is about this person and I'm going to allow them to have that time to process what it is they need to process, and I think that starts before you're losing it. And that person then knows this is a moment for him or her. I'm just going to be there and listen. I'm not going to take this in and that is. It takes practice. It's not an easy thing to do, but again, it comes down to communication. We always hear communication is so important within a relationship, but again it comes down to communication. We always hear communication is so important within a relationship. It's doing it, it's saying. This is how I get sometimes what I need from you.
Speaker 1:I probably have lost my mind, cried hysterically more of the last year than I have in I don't know how long, and there are times that I don't want to talk about what I need. I don't want to express that and, like you said, sometimes I just need somebody there to just allow the crying and just bring me back down in your words. When I am losing my mind. It doesn't necessarily fix the issue at hand, but it allows the emotion to come out. So you can then, like you said, what's the next step? And I think you know great, great advice. I want to switch gears just a little bit, because you live in 35 feet, a 35 foot rv. Right now, with three kids, people are wondering what about intimacy? What about alone time? What about relationship?
Speaker 1:uh, okay, so stabilizers anybody in an rv, a fifth wheel or travel trailer? Yes, and blame it on the wind.
Speaker 2:Um, no, uh, the washing machine. I've heard, yeah, 100. Uh, it's so our, our kids, understand that that. Uh, yeah, dad kisses mom, mom will kiss dad. Um, uh, we hold each other's hands.
Speaker 3:We're like we don't hide our relationship from them. We're very open and communicative with them about how how we think relationships should be, and and showing emotion and love for each other is normal. That portion is not shown in front of them but gosh, like I don't know.
Speaker 2:I hear some people like talk about intimacy and stuff on like on a rare basis and it might work for other people, but like it doesn't matter that we live in an RV Like you can't. Different people have different needs and in some it's better when when people that are are like-minded link up together. Uh, it's not good when you have one person in a relationship that doesn't like a whole lot of physical reaction or stuff and then you have another person that doesn't, doesn't, doesn't or whatever I said doesn't does it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, then then yeah, another person that doesn't doesn't, doesn't, or whatever I said, doesn't, doesn't, Then, then yeah it's.
Speaker 3:That's obviously not a match made in heaven, but People go through different areas and stages in their life and you need to recognize that.
Speaker 2:You even go through different stages in the month.
Speaker 3:Yes, you do and you need to again. This comes down to reading your partner. Yes, this is how you're feeling, but also how are they feeling and how can you guys find something in the middle? When it comes to us having those moments. We have them when it feels natural. We have rules with our kids. If the door is closed, you knock on the door.
Speaker 3:We also have locks on doors, which our bees do not come with. Locks on the doors, people okay. So be prepared, um, install locks, I promise it's worth it. Um, and and we don't shy away from it just because we're in a small space with our kids. It is a part of life, it's a part of relationships and we have those honest talks with our kids at a stage that is necessary for them to understand in the age that they're at. So the way I might talk to our seven-year-old about that is very different than I'll talk to our 13 or 14-year-old about that, is very different than I'll talk to our 13 or 14-year-old about that, and that's kind of how we've approached those types of moments in our life with our kids. Anyways, you know we've, we're very open about sexuality, I guess, for lack of a better term. You know bodies are bodies.
Speaker 2:We just don't westernize it. But that's about it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, bodies are bodies and it's okay to accept them.
Speaker 1:Right, and so you've. It sounds like you prioritize the relationship, which is going to help the relationship. I mean, I know living in a house with three young kids sometimes felt like, oh okay, we don't have time, we can't prioritize our relationship because the kids are around and, to your point, that doesn't work well within a relationship. So, prioritizing it, you have open communication with the kids, age appropriate in your feeling and again, different people have different thoughts on this and beliefs. There's no perfect right or wrong. A seven-year-old should be told this, this and this. That's not how it works. You got to get a feel for your own kid.
Speaker 3:Yes, and every seven-year-old is different, but we very much believe that intimacy is important for a relationship.
Speaker 2:I think living in an RV actually makes it a little bit easier, because there's no commute time for work or anything like that, so like I'm always at home, I don't have to drive an hour to work anymore, and so like my days are longer, um and, and I don't have to wake up the same or go to sleep the same, so it actually kind of makes it a little bit easier. So that's a little bit better.
Speaker 1:And you guys have given so much information. I say this so many times on the podcast. We get into these conversations. For people who are new to the podcast, I don't have a list of questions. I don't give you questions before you got on, we just have a conversation. I sort of have an idea of the questions. I don't give you questions before you got on, we just have a conversation. I sort of have an idea of the flow. This did not go with the idea of the flow, which I love. It goes in its natural progression. Where and what can we give the listener that's going to help them to communicate better in an RV? It's a whole different world that a lot of us have had no previous idea. And now you're in this small space small being a relative term with someone and if you're not learning and working on your relationship, I can't imagine. I can't even imagine. And so you've given a lot of great tips. We still have a lot, some more things I want to cover. I do want to give people some updates, which I don't usually do at this point in the podcast, but I change things up at random times. That's just what I like to do. There's a lot coming up.
Speaker 1:This episode is recorded. It is the end of May, it'll go out in June and so people are out there traveling already thinking about some activities and events that are coming up. So I want to talk first about America's largest RV show in Hershey, pa, which is September 10th to the 14th. I'll be there, you guys will be there. I'll have you talk on that in just a minute.
Speaker 1:Rv Life is doing their fourth. This is the fourth year. They're doing their annual RV Life Hershey RV Life after party. This sells out by August. It is sold out. I was at the event last year in September. I went to the RV show and had a number of people begging for tickets and we were sold out. So as soon as that goes live, I will announce it on the podcast. It'll be on my social media RV Life Podcast at Instagram and Facebook. You want to get your tickets immediately. This year is going to be better than the years past. We have new incredible sponsors. Rv TV is one of the sponsors so far, and I'll be talking about the sponsors as we continue. Now the RV event. You've been to the. You were at the after party last year, so you guys will be there this year. What did?
Speaker 1:you think of the event. Do you recommend it?
Speaker 2:We had a blast.
Speaker 3:It was a lot of fun. Um, it's fun. Good food. I was impressed with the food, um, and it was just a great way to connect and kind of unwind. Um, after the, after the show? I don't think. So I'll say hershey was our last year, was our first RV show ever and we were not prepared for how overwhelmed we were going to feel. So being able to go to that after party afterwards was it was almost like a breath of fresh air, just kind of connecting with people and talking, and I just felt relaxed and natural instead of like, oh my gosh, I got to see the next.
Speaker 2:We met some cool people too.
Speaker 1:Right and this year one of the things we're changing because the feedback we got two years in a row we had amazing music groups. They were awesome. Some of the feedback that we received was that people wanted more of a chance to connect with community. Rv Life's all about community, let's get real and people wanted that chance to mingle and talk a little more. So we have changed things. We're doing away with the music. There will be background music, but we are changing things up Again. Amazing sponsors, great prizes, and I will post on social media as soon as those tickets go live. Rv tv for anybody that hasn't heard of it you want to go to rv tvcom. They are doing america's um got talent, rv's got talent I'm sorry, rv's got talent. They are giving away prizes if you well, you guys can do a comedian kind of thing no, I'm not that good listen, there's five thousand dollars involved for the winner.
Speaker 1:You might want to reconsider, james right that you've got some funny jokes, babe. Yeah, you better the two of you together she thinks that I'm funny.
Speaker 2:That's how it works yes, there you go.
Speaker 1:So I'm going to post that on social or my social media. Anybody that has talent thinks they have talent. It doesn't matter, I don't care if you play with a yo-yo, it doesn't matter, it's just for fun. So there will be signups for that and all the information for that in the show notes on social media, because you could win five thousand dollars. That's yeah, yeah, yeah, okay.
Speaker 1:So it's now time for the question of the week. It's brought to you by cool rv. I know you guys are going to need a minute to think about this. We did not prepare before, so I want to know and you could both pick your own, or maybe you're on the same wavelength what is on your bucket list, so a person you'd like to visit, a place you want to go to, an experience you want to have. You're going to get a minute. You're going to have separate thoughts.
Speaker 1:You don't have to talk amongst yourselves on this one, but I'm going to talk about Cool RV, because it is starting to get hot and CoolRV is this amazing unit that goes in your air conditioner. It is DIY, simple to put in your unit and it will keep you from dealing with the heat. It is a game changer. So it'll give you cooler air, more airflow and make your air conditioner whisper quiet. You'll stay comfortable without all the noise, whether you're off-grid or you're at the campsite. You can be cooler. Upgrade your RV ride with CoolRV. Visit CoolRVcom today. That is K-O-O-L-R-Vcom, k-o-o-l-r-v dot com. I saw a lot of communicating, nonverbal communication, between the two of you. I see some faces. James could just get on and do the faces, and that would you need to submit your talent for sure. Just make faces.
Speaker 3:No rules, though right, there's no rules. You could like anywhere, anything, anything, anywhere. Yeah, there's no rules, though right, there's no rules. You could like anywhere, anything, anything anywhere.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there's no rules on this one, so you go first. Okay, james, go ahead.
Speaker 2:I said Mars, no, but realistically, I, so I I like to leave my paranoia out on the table. I like to stay in the United States, so I want to go to Alaska. I believe, United States Okay.
Speaker 1:So Alaska fly in baby, rent an RV.
Speaker 3:Yes, and that's something we're trying to figure out how to plan, but mine mine is a toss up between Iceland and Thailand.
Speaker 2:She's still trying to convince me to travel out of the country. Okay, I'm with her on that one. I'll just go with Patty, you can speak, and.
Speaker 1:Thailand. She's still trying to convince me to travel out of the country. Okay, I'm with her on that one.
Speaker 3:I'll just go with Patty. You can speak here with the kids, kelly, no, take the kids.
Speaker 1:No, no, no, it's too long a flight. Kelly and I will go, we'll report back. There are a lot of places I've been to Thailand and places outside the country, to Paris. Yes, you've got to do it. You've got to put it on your bucket list. Yeah, I do. I love what you guys had to say. You have to definitely do RV, rv TVs, rvers got talent. I can't, it's a mouthful. You definitely have to do it. Okay, so we were talking about Hershey. The Featured Campground of the Week is brought to you by RV Life Campground Reviews. I know you guys use RV Life. We're going to talk about that. Rv Life products include trip planning, rv safe, gps and campground reviews. I want to talk today about Thousand Trails, hershey RV Campground in Lebanon, pa. That's where you stay when you come for the Hershey show.
Speaker 1:For those of people thinking about it. It does book up. You don't need to be a member of Thousand Trails to stay there. And if you're like me and don't have an RV right now, I stayed with Melody and Kurt, my social media people. But they also have cabin rentals and, you know, maybe I'll sleep on your couch. One night I stayed at a hotel, you know it was just all over the place. So Thousand Trails Hershey RV Campground I've been there a number of times. You guys have been there. They have full hookups. They have, like I said, the cottage, cabin rentals. They have a pool, they have an indoor hot tub. They have tons of activities for the family.
Speaker 1:It's about 20 minutes to America's largest RV show, which people refer to as the Hershey RV show. And if you don't have a membership, reach out to me. I've got an amazing membership specialist and they have all new memberships right now with a special that they are running right now. So people reach out to me on RV Life Podcast, on Instagram or Facebook. I'll get you set up. They have an 8.6 rating on the RV Life Campgrounds review site and 168 reviews. You just go to campgroundsrvlifecom and you can see the photos, all the amenities of the property and there's a great big book now button so you could go there to book. What do you guys? Let's talk a little bit about RV Life Pro. What do you guys like best about it?
Speaker 2:Gets me to point A to point B with my trailer, safely uh I use trip wizard like crazy it is definitely peace of mind.
Speaker 3:When we first set out, we were using google. If you're new, do not ever use google in to to navigate with your rv. Google doesn't know heights and kingpins and all the other let's talk about that for a minute.
Speaker 1:Let's take a minute to talk about that because I am still seeing people on Facebook and it's a peppy of a month, because I know how dangerous it is People on Facebook that are saying, oh, I use Google Maps, but I also use Waze, or I use Apple Maps. And then there are people who will say do you have a free GPS system? And I want to say, do you have something bigger than a minivan? Because it's like you said height, weight, length, the length makes a difference. There are roads you can't go on and guess what, whether or not I have a big propane tank, when you're going through the tunnel in Baltimore, you can't do that in a propane tank and the fine I would imagine would be way more RV life for a year membership of $65, $65. And there's a 25% discount in the show notes. So don't like, if you're going out in an RV, be safe.
Speaker 3:Yes, please, right, yeah, yeah, you've seen it right we, we did it, we traveled what for like three months or something yeah we three months on the road.
Speaker 2:We didn't, we didn't know we got turned around at a bridge and we got turned around at a spot that I could not drive down the road because I was too long yeah, and and when you're in California there's not very good places to turn around once you get there.
Speaker 3:So for us it was. For me. I have a lot of anxiety about the trailer driving places and, honestly, a lot of it probably comes from those first three months on the road and those couple roads that we shouldn't have gone down, but we didn't know until it was too late. So it's been a huge peace of mind. It's not that much, and it, and then the planning part, makes it so easy to figure out where you're going.
Speaker 2:You can even put safely, you can even put things in there of different places you want to go while you're at a stop, which we used it to to keep track of different yes, of like different things that we want to do, um and uh, and then also being able to look at the campground before you get there and check out, like what the wi-fi looks like, what or how about that one where we couldn't go over the railroad tracks before going in because it was a pinch point and we would have never known that coming any other way, except we found it on our relay?
Speaker 3:Yeah, so just it's worth. It's worth every penny. And you said there's a discount code, so that makes it even easier, right, right?
Speaker 1:And that's for new people, for the first year there's the discount. But we went and we've used RV Life, the trip planning and then the RV Safe GPS and the campground reviews, because I want reviews by other RVers. I don't want people to be able to come, like campgrounds, to be able to get on there and put some review in. These are all authentic and the one time we were going to we were in Bonacqua, tennessee Most people don't even know where. It is Beautiful, amazing time.
Speaker 1:And we we were being navigated by Trip Wizard and I don't know what happened. But we decided we thought we were really close and we said to the guy OK, we're here, like where do we go now? And I think the RV Life, the TripWizard, had taken us somewhere else, but the owner had given us some direction. So we said, ok, we're at this bridge. We didn't think we could go over. And he's like, oh yeah, people do it all the time. There's a campground nearby. So we go over the bridge and we get there and we're talking to him. We're like, wow, that bridge was really scary. And he was wait, what bridge did you go over? Wrong bridge, we should not have gone over. You do not want to listen, even somebody who lives in the area. He had never done and had an rv. He was like he thought we were somewhere else. Communication is everything right. And he said no, that bridge you shouldn't have gone over. Great, we already did so.
Speaker 3:well, there's so many things that that you just before you have to move your r the way that we do. There's just things you don't think about. I never thought about how big bridges are, or the kingpin, the axle length on a road because they're too windy for you. Those just aren't things we think about.
Speaker 2:As a normal, regular driver.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and you just don't have to worry about that with RV life.
Speaker 1:Right and you hear story after story of people. First of all, you get stuck and you're blocking traffic and the police have to come out. They could charge you for that because you may not be able to back up. A lot of times people told stories of they couldn't back up. If you're in a Class A tow in a car, you got to take the car off. You can't back up, there's no backup. So I think we're stressing this because it's you know this can make or break the RV life period End of marriage, end the whole thing.
Speaker 2:The bridge is worse than the backup. Don't hit the bridge, you can survive the backup.
Speaker 1:Right, right, don't be like, oh, I think I'll make it. Right, right, don't be like, oh, I think I'll make it and then not, no, you can make it. No, you can make it, and with Trip Wizard, I do feel confident with it. Thank you for sharing that. Those people who are again looking for campground reviews they want to find out more about Thousand Trails, hershey. You are going to want to book that sooner than later If that is a place you want to stay. All the information is in the show notes for this. I want to one more time talk about where people can reach out to you and we all want to encourage people Ask questions. There is I was a teacher for 20 years. There is really no stupid question and I know you guys, any questions you get, you'll be answering personally. Any questions I get, if it's for you guys, I'll share with you. But ask the questions. Just tell people again how to reach out to you.
Speaker 3:So you can find us on your favorite social media platform as Road Ravers. It's like you're driving on a road in our last name platform as road ravers. It's like you're driving on a road and our last name and, uh, we also have a website, which is just wwwroadraberscom.
Speaker 2:Um. Are we doing the meet and greet at Hershey?
Speaker 3:I don't know yet.
Speaker 2:Okay, we might do it.
Speaker 1:Okay. So if you're doing a meet and greet, I'll make sure that we put that in our social media so people know that. Something else that happens in Hershey people can meet people. I will be there the whole time. I'm not going to do a meet and greet. I'll be doing some podcasting while I'm walking around, and that's a good point too. If people see you, you want them to come up and talk to you. I'll give you a sticker too, and a sticker. I have stickers too. We got to. I think I have your sticker. I think we've exchanged stickers.
Speaker 2:I got, new I got new stickers. So I don't think we have your new one. I want to do a special one for Hershey, so I need to start designing.
Speaker 1:That's a great idea.
Speaker 2:I want to do a out.
Speaker 1:So if you have a cool event, okay, and then for people do you have you seen the rivet um supply company boards? Okay, we will have to put that in the show notes as well. It is a board, a beautiful place to put your stickers, and they'll design the stickers for you. So if you have an idea, they'll make them for you.
Speaker 2:She makes awesome stickers In the show notes.
Speaker 1:They are awesome. They will be in Hershey as well, so people are looking for a board to put their stickers on. It's a great place to do it. We've covered so much. Yes, come up to us, say hi, ask your questions. We're really looking forward to helping people. You know, do this RV life a little better, whatever we can do to help. I want to thank both of you so much for being on the podcast. I appreciate it.
Speaker 2:Thank you. Yeah, definitely ask us questions, because I've blown up the. I've definitely blown up an RV, so I'll tell you how to not do it.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, let's learn from other people's mistakes. Sounds great. Thank you, guys, and I want to thank my listeners and remind you life is a journey. Live each day to the fullest, without regrets. I'm Patti Hunt and you've been listening to the RV Life Podcast. Bye.